Clarity...

Sometimes I think we are just slow.  I have this perception that I have a really great relationship with the Lord and that I'm in amazing communion with Him... I'm basking in who He is and what He is doing... and then I realize that I was so caught up in what was going on around me (even though it was His works that I was looking at!), that I missed his voice.  He was trying to speak to me, and I just wasn't listening.  How does that happen?  I'm so thankful that He is faithful and persistent with me, even when I'm too busy to listen to His soft spoken direction.  I do get it eventually.  I'm just a little slow.

About a year ago, our supervisors made the comment that if we needed to relocate in order to find better medical for Nathan, they were completely behind us in that. We had struggled to find a doctor to help Nathan with his eyes (they cross, at times.) Eventually, we got a referral from our Dr. in the States for a specialist in Madrid.  They had heard about the difficulties, and it had prompted this conversation.  We were surprised to hear him mentioned it, because we had never brought it up before.  Relocating wasn't something we had pursued or even suggested to him (or anyone else, for that matter!), so we were a little startled.  We quickly assured him that we were fine where we were and that we could drive to Madrid for whatever needed, so we were ok at this point.  After he left, Wes and I both wondered where his comment came from... and then we never thought of it again. :)  We put it behind us as strange, and left it there.  We never prayed about it.  Never asked the Lord... we just assumed He had called us here to Cáceres and that He would keep us here! 

This was one of the biggest things that jumped out at me when our friend mentioned relocating.  We never would have considered this idea, had it not been for Nathan.  We were so focused on our mission and ministry here in Cáceres, it never occurred to us that the Lord may want to move us to another place.  There's SO much to do here... it just didn't make sense to go somewhere else.  It's almost as if we weren't listening to God's small, quiet voice; so He decided to speak a little more loudly.  Yup... I was definitely listening this time.  I was praying my heart out, asking God for a solution for Nathan... for help, for direction... and then our friend says "move!"  It's definitely not the answer I was looking for, but I certainly was listening this time!

The height of Nathan's difficulties occurred right before our language exam that we had been preparing for months to take.  It was (of course) the worst time to have such a huge distraction... such a huge weight on our shoulders.  The conversation with our friend, Chanelle, happened just AFTER the exam, thankfully.  Even though I needed to hear what Chanelle said, I was definitely even more stressed after I talked with her.  My heart was not ready to move on.  I love Cáceres.  I love our home, our friends, our little life we have created here.  We have battled through so much over the past 3 years to get to this point, to think about leaving it all was heart-breaking.  We decided to put EVERYTHING on hold... my parents came into town and we went on vacation to the beach.  It was a great time to get rid of the stress we had been carrying.  I literally left my worries at home, and we hardly talked about it or thought about it while we were on vacation.  We just soaked up our time with my parents and enjoyed our time with our kids and each other.  It was SO needed!

But, once we got home, we jumped right in and began seeking wisdom.  We talked with several of our supervisors to get their thoughts on what Chanelle had suggested.  We were looking for wisdom, advice, direction... and each one of them echoed the same thing:  "whatever you think is best for Nathan, we are 100% behind you."  They basically told us that if we felt like we needed to move to a larger city to get what Nathan needs, then they were completely fine with that.  The one thing they wanted us to understand was that they wanted to KEEP us. :)  That was extremely encouraging to hear!  They basically gave us our choice of anywhere in Spain... or even in Western Europe, if we felt like it was necessary.

We skyped with Matt, our pastor back home; and as he listened to us share our hearts, he said, "So, this needs to be a game changer for Nathan."  He hit it right on.  I think my biggest struggle was knowing that moving was better for Nathan.  He has also battled to make this home, and he has great friends here.  I needed to know that it was better for Nathan... if I could KNOW that it was better for Nathan, I would have no trouble leaving, whatsoever. I mean, of course it would be hard to leave our friends, but I could easily do that if God was calling us to something better for our son.

We began to ask questions of our supervisors as "friends" and as "fathers" rather than as just as supervisors, and we received a wealth of wisdom.  One of them told us that even if we moved and things were not different for Nathan, at least we could know (and Nathan could know) that we TRIED.  He encouraged us that it is much better to look back and say, "Well, at least we tried" rather than, "We wish we would have..." or "We should have..."  He was speaking from personal experience, and it impacted us greatly.   It was exactly what I needed to hear.  I was struggling, because as we were researching schools in other cities, it was so hard to know if it truly would be different for Nathan.  The websites all claimed the same thing... our website from our school claims to have a program for special needs kids.  It's legally required. 

During all this, the Lord really made it clear to me that we are not the key to His "success" in Extremadura.  It is His mission that we are on here, and He can raise up others in our place.  It is our job to be obedient; it's His job to draw people to Himself.  He has called us to be parents to Nathan first...if we are not the ones fighting for Nathan, no one else will step up to do that.  I realized that even if the schools weren't different, we knew for sure the medical was much better.  The therapy was much better... this, in and of itself was enough to warrant a move.  It will be better for Nathan.

So, as of right now, we are still praying through where the Lord wants us.  We have looked at several cities, but the Lord hasn't made anything clear yet.  As we've gone and looked in person, we've become convinced that a move will be better for Nathan.  Please join us in asking the Lord for direction and for guidance.  Pray that our ears will be open and that our hearts will stay close and clean.  We know the Lord has a plan for us!... we are excited to see what He has in store for us at the next step in our journey.