Changes...

... and the story continues...
Throughout all these struggles with Nathan, we were frantically praying for wisdom and direction... and searching for other ways to make some immediate changes for him in the school. The Lord was faithful and opened many doors.  It's amazing that in the moment, everything seems so dark and uncertain (and sometimes scary!)  I was fearful for Nathan for a while there...  But as we now look back, we can really see how the Lord guided us every step of the way.

He made a way for me to go in and observe during Nathan's occupational therapy sessions... something that wasn't possible before.  Soli, Nathan's OT, explained to me that Nathan had perception issues.  He has trouble seeing what is on the board and translating it in his mind in order to get it down on paper.  It has nothing to do with his writing skills (although this makes his writing that much more difficult for him!), but has to do with the way his mind computes what he sees.  It is the same when he is copying something from a book or a sheet on his desk, although it's slightly easier, depending on the position of the paper.  So, not only was Nathan having difficulty with the writing part of actually making his hand write the letters, his mind was struggling with even what images to put down on paper!  I explained to Soli what type of issues we were struggling with in the school, and she made some suggestions.  (Most of which I had already requested and had been turned down.)

Since she was giving recommendations for school, we thought that maybe we could approach the Cerebral Palsy Association here (called ASPACE, and this is where Nathan receives all his therapy), and ask them if they could get involved and request some accommodations for Nathan in the school.  We thought maybe if it came from someone official, it might hold more clout.  We had many friends from the States, who have experience with this type of thing in the schools, and we received some great ideas to help Nathan. So, when we went in to request their help, I mentioned some of the suggestions (most of which involved some type of technology).  When I mentioned technology, the lady responsible for advocating for children with CP in the schools just laughed at me.  She explained that she could ask, but that the schools have never been willing to make changes like I was suggesting.  My heart just sank.  If the one agency (or person) who was supposed to be an "official" advocate for Nathan wasn't even willing to fight for him, not much was going to change.

I think this is where my heart began to sense that we had a bigger problem... but that thought only surfaced for a heartbeat... then I was on to focusing on surviving the moment again.  Aspace did go into the school, and it was a blessing for us.  It began the process of changes that Nathan was legally entitled to have.  When we met with the school representative for Nathan, he emphasized that they could not compel these teachers to make changes, but that they could make suggestions and provide awareness of Nathan's issues.

What is so crazy is that one of Nathan's teachers came to us and said, "Why hasn't this been done before for Nathan?  Why is this request just now coming to us?"  I was puzzled (ok, maybe frustrated...) by her statement.  For 4-5 months we had gone through all these struggles and meetings, and not one person had suggested that we request this type of "help" for Nathan.  We had no idea that it was a legal thing that we needed to request with a specific application process.  No one ever mentioned it, even when we asked over and over for help for Nathan... and here this teacher asks me why we didn't do this earlier??  I wanted to ask her why THEY didn't suggest it to us earlier?!?! :)  I didn't though.  I think we are just the dumb foreigners that everyone assumes should know more than we do. :)

As these "legalities" began to fall into place, teachers began to cut Nathan's homework load; and we felt like we had survived the crisis (prolonged as it was...)  We heaved a sigh of relief, and took a tiny step out of "survival mode."  Nathan's stress level began to drop a little, and we were functioning more normally.

At the climax of our struggle (at the point when I just wanted to yank Nathan out of the school!), I had put a call in to a colleague who lives in Spain and also has 4 children, one with CP.  I had wanted to walk through our situation with her and get her take or any ideas or suggestions she might have.  We played phone tag for weeks, and it wasn't until this specific point (when the stress was beginning to lessen) did the Lord allow us to connect.  His timing was perfect, because I don't think my heart could have handled this conversation prior to this point.

I explained what had happened, thinking I was talking in the past tense about an issue that I was hoping was coming to a close.  She listened intently and asked questions here and there, but was quiet for the most part until I was done sharing my heart.  I thought I was sharing good news... that it had been resolved, and I thought we could make it through the rest of the year.  When I finished, she said, "Michelle, I'm so glad Nathan's stress level is lower; and I'm glad you think you will be ok through this school year; but I really think it's time to think about relocating to a place where you can get better help for Nathan."  Whoosh... my heart took a nose-dive. Leave Cáceres when we've just gotten a good handle on the language?  Leave Cáceres when we have just begun to see the fruit of years of building into relationships?  Leave when we are really just beginning to dive deep into ministry???  At that moment, those thoughts were crushing... leave our "home" once again and start over.

My friend continued to speak, helping me to step back and see the big picture for Nathan.  She reminded me that school was not going to get easier for Nathan... it only gets harder.  She mentioned how important each year is, and if accommodations aren't made for him, he will get behind... not because of his lack of ability to learn, but because of the school's lack of expertise to make the necessary changes.  So much of what she said made sense to me.  We don't want Nathan to be an experiment every year, taking 4-5 months to get to where he can function.  And, what if there is a teacher who refuses to make accommodations for him?  I think here in Cáceres, because we are so tiny, there is very little experience with children like Nathan.  Yes, he has Cerebral Palsy, but it is not severe.  He doesn't need to be in a special needs school... he would be lonely there, because his mind is just as sharp as my other kids'.  If he were more severe, I think it might actually be easier to get him help; but because his needs are so specialized, we need to be where teachers have the experience and the desire to help him.

I got off the phone with my friend and cried... and then shared it all with Wes.  Everything our friend (and actually, supervisor...) had said made a whole lot of sense.  Even though our minds immediately went to the impact this would have on our ministry... our hearts knew that we could not deny a better opportunity for Nathan.  We began to pray...