Challenges...

Finally, the time has come;  I get to share a little bit of what has been going with our family over the past several months.  I'm sure you've noticed that I've been pretty sporadic in my writing.  I think I've been pretty preoccupied with trying (once again!) to figure out life in another country.

If you remember our arrival to the field 3 years ago, our son Nathan had some trouble adjusting to school initially.  It was VERY difficult in the beginning; but over time, as he learned the language, he began to settle in.  His last two years in school went very smoothly with a teacher who adored him and had no problem helping him with whatever he needed.  This year, however, Nathan changed teachers; and our whole world changed.

I think some of it had to do with the fact that two years ago, Nathan was still seen as a "foreigner."  He still had some language struggles, and it was obvious he needed help.  When he started this year, he was completely fluent in the language, totally integrated with his classmates, and I think he just blended in with the class.  Yes, everyone knew he had Cerebral Palsy because of the way he walked, but he's so intelligent that they didn't consider it beyond his walking and balance.  Because of cutbacks in the schools, the teachers are all doing "double duty."  So Nathan has a different teacher for almost all his classes, and he's only in 3rd grade!

About half way through our first month, we began to notice that Nathan was really struggling.  It was more than just having to adjust to going back to school every day.  He was continually in a state of panic; he was constantly stressed and worried; he was having headaches and stomach aches; he was crying at night because he didn't want to go to school the next day; he was crying walking INTO school, etc.  We began to ask questions as to WHAT was going on, and little by little we got the big picture.  Poor Nathan.  He was too overwhelmed to understand what was going on or to even explain WHY he was feeling so stressed. 

We have known for a while that Nathan struggles with his writing, and he is in occupational therapy to help him with it.  What I didn't realize was to what extent it was affecting his school experience.  It felt like this all played out in slow motion... and extremely dramatically.  Nathan was in survival mode, and I couldn't get to the bottom of it quickly enough to pull him out of the hole into which I could see him sinking. 

I knew he was overwhelmed with all that he had to do.  He was in therapy 3x a week, and then he would have 4 hours or more of homework every day (and many times we didn't finish all that he had.)  He had so much homework that I would have to sit beside him and work through every little bit with him, because he would shut down and not function due to the amount sitting in front of him.  I began allowing him to answer questions out loud, and I would scribe for him, because it took him so long to write out the answers.  I would write a note to the teacher and explain why, but certain teachers were not ok with it.  I figured that as long as Nathan was understanding and digesting the information, it shouldn't really matter the mode in which it was portrayed back to the teacher.  Apparently, it did.  What I didn't understand at the time was that Nathan was getting the brunt of my "adaptations" at school, which was causing even more stress for him. 

As I continued to probe Nathan for information, trying to ask questions in different ways so that I could get a full understanding of what was going on, we realized that he was also scared of his teachers.  Nathan is a very sensitive kid with a big heart to please others... especially his teachers.  It makes me so sad to think of my tender-hearted son being treated this way, but it is just their culture. From their perspective, this motivates kids to do better (this type of motivation is commonly found in Europe), but it is just very different from what we are used to in the States.  Nathan was put in detention for not finishing his homework, and he was yelled at in front of the class for not forming his letters very well... he became paranoid that he was going to get yelled at or put in detention for something that he didn't get to finish at home.  The whole load was just too much for him to handle.  He even began to withdraw and not want to go out of the house and socialize.

Eventually, what we figured out was that the teachers were giving the kids homework in class and telling them to take home whatever they didn't finished.  Nathan couldn't write fast enough to finish it in class, so it resulted in a ton of homework for him.  In one class, the kids were supposed to read a passage in their book and then answer questions relating to the reading.  They were required to copy their questions into their notebooks before answering them.  Well, Nathan couldn't even get his questions copied before class was finished, so then he had to bring it home to answer the questions... which still had to be written out and took him over an hour to do 4 questions at home!  I began asking teachers for permission for Nathan to just write the answers to the questions during that time in class (it doesn't really change what he is learning...), so that he wouldn't be so overwhelmed, but we were told "no."  Each class had different issues, but most of the difficulties came from having to copy things down.  No matter what type of accommodations I asked for, I was told "no."  I wrote note after note and went to meeting after meeting trying to get his homework load lightened.  He had no time to play, and his stress level was extremely high for an 8 year old!  In one meeting, I was  told that Nathan just had to learn that life was going to be harder for him than the others because of his disability, and that it was unfair to the other children if they made an exception for Nathan. 

I was incensed by the comments, and I couldn't just let it go.  My (calm!) response was that Nathan didn't need to LEARN that life was going to be harder.  He already knows it! Just to sit in his chair it takes more work than the average kid!... just to walk down the street or simply hold his pencil!  He already knows this!  But what he does need to learn is that he CAN do what the other kids can do, we may just have to alter HOW he does it.  I also mentioned that I thought they were discriminating against Nathan if they DIDN'T make exceptions for him.  It's not that he doesn't want to do the work.  He has Cerebral Palsy and cannot do the work like the others can, but he is perfectly capable of learning and understanding like the other children; Nathan needs to be encouraged in this! 

Honestly, I expected this particular teacher to fight me on my response, but he was quiet for a moment, and then nodded his head.  He told me he could see my point!  Praise the Lord!  I was completely unprepared for this response.  My whole being was gearing up to fight for my son, and it was like the Lord just reached down and touched this teacher's heart.  This was the beginning of a change for Nathan.  Of course, I was hoping it would change over night, but it didn't.  

Stay tuned for the rest of our most recent adventures...